Alyson’s Introduction Letter

I greatly admire teachers. I could never be one but I have a healthy respect for the profession. But I do feel that teachers should have a sense of humor, especially when dealing with my crew. So this year, I had a chance to test my daughter’s teachers on the first day of school.

During the open house, parents were given a folder with the school year’s first homework assignment in it. For parents. We were assigned a million word or less letter telling the teachers how wonderful our child was. They should never, ever have given this assignment to me. My halo holders immediately kicked in. (Yes, they are halo holders, why would I need horns?)

So I came home and began work on my masterpiece. Finally the creation was finished and I printed three copies and placed them securely in Alyson’s backpack. I never mentioned the letter to my mother, I knew she would be horrified. So I sat back and waited until the first day of school.

Soon after the kids were safely on the bus, my mother called. We chatted for awhile, then I dropped the bomb. I told her of my homework assignment and then proceeded to read her the letter.

“You can’t send that to school!” She screeched. I pictured the look of horror on her face.

“Already did,” I was grinning like a maniac.

I could hear her shaking her head at me.

I don’t know what was wrong with the letter, you tell me. Here is the beginning of Alyson’s introduction to her new school:


To the most honored purveyors of knowledge: Mrs. Miracle, Mrs. Steger and Mrs. Thompson,


I am distressed to learn of the unfortunate placement of my daughter in your classrooms for this upcoming school year. All I can say is may the gods be smiling upon you. My homework was a million word letter about my daughter. It would take millions to tell you of all the problems she can cause.

It all began on a dark and stormy Friday the 13th, she came forth from my womb screaming like the banshee.

No, wait, not really. But it was on the 13th of March and she really did scream.

So, what’s wrong with this letter? I waited patiently for the school to call and tell me to come pick up my little angel, but nope, not a word. I’ve still not heard from any of her teachers but she did say that she heard laughing when her teacher was looking over the letters. I just hope they have a sense of humor. 🙂



About christyfarrisbooks

Writer of young adult fantasy, romance and humor. Mother of seven. High ruler of the Kingdom of Crazy. :D
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1 Response to Alyson’s Introduction Letter

  1. zrondra wilson says:

    You just pick on my Ally because she is so much like you and I knew that one of these days you would get paid back. Love your mother


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